10 things you always wanted to know about Germans but were afraid to ask9:19 AM
10. Shockingly, the majority of the German population are not blonde haired and blue eyed.
The majority of us Americans and well, let´s face it, citizens of the world at large, have for a long time labored under the delusion that along with a propensity for all things clean, the Germans have managed to keep their bloodline so extraordinarily pure and inbred, that one might come to expect large numbers of aryan, two-headed babies emerging almost daily. However, the Germans are as varient a species as any, coming in all shapes, sizes, hair and eye colors. So, looking for a blonde haired, blue eyed girlfriend? Your chances are way better in Sweden. GO NORTH YOUNG MAN!!
9. Yes, they absolutely can drink you under the table.
Thinking that Bavarians attired in Lederhosen and sprinkled dandily with edelweiss are a laugh and a half or harmless old coots? Traveler beware, one of these pint drinking maniacs can easily consume nearly 3 times the amount of the average human being. So while you´re studying the floor tiles of a german Kneipe (pub) and rueing the day you were born, these dandies will be discussing politics and theoretical reasoning....and perhaps ordering another lager.
8. Gee, that´s a nasty arm twitch!!
Contrary to popular belief, "Sig Heil" is not an appropriate form of greeting. In the south "Grüss Gott" or "Guten Tag" are acceptable and polite ways to say hello and are much less likely to get you a punch in the face from an enormous man most likely called Dieter with fists like hams.
Number 8 fortunately leads to number 7, which is to say.....
7. Not all Germans admire Hitler, some also like Stalin as well!
Actually, overt Nazism is not only frowned upon, it is is illegal. A German found dismissing the existence of the holocaust can easily land himself in prison. So....once again, best to leave your Hitler jokes at home.
6. Will one cry at the ever terrifying sound of the german language?
A quite common misconception about germans is that of a harsh, formiddable accent. In reality, the majority of abrupt albeit famous german speakers we are familiar with, come from Austria (think Adolf Hitler, Arnold Schwarzenneger). I say this while wholeheartedly admitting that the german language when yelled can be a petrifying weapon causing tremors in even the most stouthearted or deaf of souls.
5. A german is always right.
4. The walking European culture.
If you choose and/or are forced to take a walk with a german, be sure to bring with you, a pack lunch, as much water as is physically possible to procure and carry, and possibly a change of clothes depending on one´s aversion to sweat. Consequently, if a german suggests a short stroll, be prepared for a mountain climb.
3. Sausages are always an option. Always.
2. Impracticality is boderline blasphemy.
From clothes, to food, to architechture, the german life is designed and centered around the search for the Shangrila of practicality. Turning up their noses at high prices, these deal treckers bargain with the ability of Arab traders. Eg. "Sheiße!" I glance over at one of my favorite discombobulated germs. "I forgot to cancel my phone contract!" "You didn´t like it?" I asked, the picture of naivety. "No, its all fine, but if you cancel it instead of renewing it, they give you a better deal when you come back to them." I rest my case.
1. The Germans are the nicest, friendliest and perhaps most suprisingly of all, humblest people you will ever meet.
While the Irish are perhaps far more congenial and overtly friendly upon first meeting and a German stranger will generally give you the death glare, once you have made a german friend, you have a friend for life. Intensely loyal, extraordinarily generous, a German friend is one not only worth having but most likely one of the best friends you will ever make. The Italians may romance, the Spanish serenade, and the Irish amuse but a German will stick by your side through good times and bad, make you laugh with their over sincerity, and be there for you at just the moment you need it. Perhaps it is those that know them the best that value them the most.