Another Sexy Blog1:47 AM
I've hooked you haven't I? It's quite interesting to see the amount of people who click on a blog simply because it has the word "sex" in the title. Do not be dismayed dear internet reader, this blog is about guys and girls though in a rather charming, round about kind of way.
I'll just say it. I'm 27 and still single. Dun dun dunnnn *Insert collective inhale of shock here* If you would have told me when I was 16 or 18 or even 24 that the right guy wouldn't have come along by now, I would have laughed in your face (then secretly cried in the corner). Today however, while driving in my little Camry (Mr. Eugene Fitzherbert), I thought aloud to God, "I'm so okay being single right now" This in and of itself is a strange and wondrous thing. My love life, if you could call it that, has been more a tale for ne'er do wells rather than a charming story of boy meets girl. I've only dated a little and the only guy I ever really loved, died a few years back. Other than that, I've been in a series of "non-relationships." Most of you Christians know the ones I'm talking about. You see him at church, he's the worship leader, the youth pastor, the handsomely misunderstood one. Your eyes meet, you share one intense look and *BAM* you're gone.
After that you get to know each other. He seems to like you, pursues you, hangs out with you constantly and becomes one of your best friends. You pray about this relationship, get several "words" from the Lord and/or other people, but your dream guy remains hopelessly silent. After a few months, you start to get nervous and begin asking yourself questions about where this thing is going, but by then you're so emotionally involved with this non- boyfriend, that you can't quite imagine giving your heart to anybody else.
Eventually the inevitable happens, he mentions someone else he actually likes, or just plain fails to commit at all and you are left wondering what you've done wrong and how in all those late night conversations, and countless intimate moments you shared, you could have so completely misunderstood. So, you watch things like, "He's Just Not That Into You" and beat yourself up and devalue yourself a little further, dwelling on all the ways you must not have been good enough for him. I dare to write about this on the internet, because this has happened to me multiple times and I hear about this constantly, from some of the most beautiful girls you've ever met. I'm starting to realize this is quite a common phenomena in our weird little Western Christian culture.
Somehow dating's gotten a bit fuzzy as a Christian and I think a lot of us girls don't know what to do about it, because, at the end of the day, we weren't made to be the ones reaching out to men in this way. We weren't made to pursue! I recently got suckered into reading the book "Captivating." Personally, I hate what I deem "self help" books, especially ones for women. But as I read this particular book, I came across a concept which really struck me. Basically, Stasi Eldridge says that as women we were created with a particular beauty that we were meant to invite men into. That one little phrase put a lot of clarity in my mind about the role of the sexes. What if my entire demeanor is meant to be inviting in a totally non-manipulative way? Honestly, I think as Christian women, many of us need to work on this. Yes, the ultimate beauty we have comes from the heart, but as one of my friends said the other day, "Don't you want to portray what God is doing in you on the outside as well?" God's done a stunning work in me! Even today while singing in a little house of prayer here at the ends of the earth, I got a glimpse of how easy it would be to spend an eternity praising Him for what He's already done! Perhaps it's time to let that start shining out of my heart and through my eyes. Perhaps it's time I start dressing like a woman adding to the graces He's already given me. Perhaps it's time I start walking like the new creature He's creating. In the last few months, God's been giving me glimpses of the woman He's creating out of me, and quite frankly, she's exquisite. And for a moment, He'll let me feel what it's like to walk in "her" skin, and feel the world as she does. The main difference between she and I is that she feels at ease in the world and with herself in ways I do not. On bad days, when my all of my insecurities arise, God will often remind me of her, that woman I am becoming, and it allows me to walk a little straighter, live life a little surer.
Who's He making you into? What does he/she look like? Is he a warrior, a lover, a friend? Is she adventurous, stunning, peaceful? It's a question worth delving into. But how does that relate to all this dating nonsense? So many of the hurt hearts I see and what I've lived through myself, erupt from insecurities taking the lead in guy/girl friendships and dating relationships. He'll take all he can from her but won't commit, because someone better might come along. She throws herself at a guy's feet, placing all her secrets in his care, when he's done nothing to earn them. Whatever the story, it often boils down to insecurity. Maybe if we better knew who we were and how loved we were, we wouldn't continue hurting each other this way.
And what about when there's no one around to be in a relationship with? Not even a fromance (friend romance, come on guys let's make it a thing).Well, as I said, I realized today, that I'm not just fine being single, my soul is finally at rest. It's something I've been striving for for years, and although I've heard this again and again, today my heart resounded with the truth, that Jesus truly is enough. All of my passion that I'm capable of giving, all of that nearness that I so long for and need, is being funneled entirely into Him. "For I am my beloved's and He is mine." There are times, when He speaks to me about the man that's waiting for me: "He's praying for you right now," or "He's not far off yet." But in those times, to my delight and wonder, I find myself turning back to the Lord and saying "Hold off!" "Surely I'm not ready yet!" I enjoy this time of just me and Him so much. Perhaps this is a season of special grace to be single. It doesn't really matter. There are certain truths that once they are so deeply known, they can never be entirely erased from one's soul. I'll end this by asking, do you know how deeply you're loved? And do you love Him deeply enough? For that matter, have you ever met a guy named Jesus? (I'm telling you, it's worth it!!) Wherever you're at, if you're 27 or 46, or 205 and still single, just know you are completely and astoundingly loved and He is MORE than enough.
other blog posts of mine on singleness, waiting, and sex:
A Sexy Blog, Dear Boy, How to Get the Girl
@gifs found on pinterest